Celebrating the role of happiness in caregiving

Taking on the role of caregiver for a family member or friend is an incredible act of love. Being there to provide the help, support and companionship they need can make a huge difference to their quality of life, and can bring you great emotional rewards as well.

But - it can be easy – and normal – to get bogged down in the day-to-day of looking after another person, especially if they need a lot of one-on-one support. It can feel like you’re just hitting repeat on washing, cooking, cleaning and driving, and you can sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture.

This is when the small moments joy really matter: the little moments of delight and happiness that also happen when you spend a lot of time with another person. Taking time to pause when those moments happen so you can really appreciate them can make it much easier to navigate the more difficult times.

The trick of focussing on joy

Moments of lightness and fun in caregiving can come in many forms. It could be singing a favourite family song together while you’re cooking dinner, or laughing at a TV programme, or seeing the pleasure they get from visiting a friend for afternoon tea; it can even be a simple touch on your hand and a smile from them in recognition of something you’ve done.

Being able to focus on these small moments of joy and feel grateful for them can go a long way to making you feel good about what you’re doing, because it actually affects your brain, in a good way, giving you a mental lift. It will have an impact on how the person you’re caring for feels as well, they will see your reaction to the fun moments and share the enjoyment.

When you do decide to pay attention to the small details as you go about your time with them you’ll be amazed at just how many joyful little moments there are and what a difference they can make to your overall well-being.

Ideas for creating joyful moments

There are many ways to actually create opportunities for these happy moments in your caregiving. Some will depend on the person you’re caring for and their level of ability. It can also help to think about what you would want from a caregiver – what would make you happy if you were in their position?

Here are some ideas to get you started.

Music: Play their favourite type of music, or songs by their favourite singers. You could listen as you cook, or sit in the garden, or put music on for them to enjoy as you tidy up around the house. Studies have shown that music has a remarkable ability to conjure happy memories, reduce stress and anxiety, and even ease pain. It can also encourage movement through dance – you could have a little boogie together ( a great mood booster) or they can ‘dance’ in their chair.

Play games: This is a great way to keep you both sharp mentally and add some fun to the day. You could play a favourite card game or board game, or maybe tackle a crossword or Sudoku together. Jigsaws are also a great option and there are larger format jigsaws available (with bigger pieces) if dexterity is an issue.

Have a party: Find any excuse for a celebration or to do something fun. It could be a cultural festival, national holiday, a family birthday, or simply a happy Friday event. You could wear silly hats, make traditional food, use sparkling water in the juice – anything to add something a bit different to the day.

Bring family together: Include them in family celebrations as much as possible so that they feel part of something bigger and can stay connected with people they love but they may not see so often. They’ll particularly enjoy meeting younger members of the family. Bringing generations together can be a joyful experience for everyone involved, especially if you’re able to get a photo of the moment they can then enjoy later.

Dig out the albums: Spend time looking through photos together. These could be older albums from their childhood, or from yours, or even more recent photos. This can open up opportunities to recall happy memories or to tell them about things that are happening with family members now.

Make history: Our family members are links to our past and often it’s not until they’re no longer with us that we realise how much we don’t know about them. Ask if you could record them on an audio or video file on your phone. They could talk about their earliest memories of childhood, their memories of their own grandparents and parents, a favourite holiday, or their first job. It can be really enjoyable for them to take a trip down memory lane and you are creating a very special historical family record at the same time. You don’t need to do it all in one day – it could be something you do every so often. Just let them talk and you never know what family gems you may uncover. It is also a wonderful way to always have a memory of the sound of their voice.

Enjoy a meal: Rather than preparing and leaving a meal for them, why not cook together or simply sit down to enjoy a meal together? Choose a favourite dish of theirs to help bring back happy memories and encourage conversation.

Get outside: Exercise and fresh air are great mood boosters – for you and them! Helping them to be active will also make a big difference to their overall health and well-being and it doesn’t have to be much. [link to benefits of maintaining mobility story] Take a short stroll around the block, walk through a park, or visit a public garden.

Have a change of scene: If you’re able to, get out and about. It could be a cup of tea at a local café, visiting a garden centre, or going to a museum. Seeing new places (or just being somewhere that isn’t home) is a great way to enrich the day.

Write it down: If you can, make a note each day of something special that happened or that you noticed. It could be as small as a smile or a thank you. The act of remembering will help you to feel good about your day and will be a beautiful reminder and something to reflect on in times to come.

A balancing act

Caregiving is a constant balancing act, but the harder times can feel easier when you know there are good times as well. Having said that, make sure you can take a break when you need it. It’s okay to say that you need someone else to step in for a bit, whether that’s another family member or outside help. It is much better to rest and recharge and come back to your caregiving ready to find the joy in your time together again.